Get to Know Your Ego

Explore your ego through the lens of the five egotypes

Once upon a time, there were five soldiers.

Year after year, they sat together at the front, ready for battle. Fully alert and fully armed. The moment any threat appeared, they jumped into action, doing what they do best.

These frontline soldiers were named Observer, Connector, Powerhouse, Carrier, and Achiever. All five shared the same mission: to protect their masters from any type of pain. But their weapons, equipment, pace, and tactics were all completely different. 

The Observer diverted attention with creative ideas. The Connector eliminated any potential threats by coming up with ways to connect. The Powerhouse charged in, ready to strike. The loyal Carrier patrolled deep into the night while everyone else was already home. And the Achiever, who carefully mapped out the most foolproof attack strategies.

These five frontline soldiers are the guardians of our true, vulnerable selves. Whenever we feel threatened, we put up a frontline soldier to shield ourselves from pain.

Your frontline soldiers were once formed too. They became the buffer between your outer and inner self. After all these years, these soldiers feel so natural to you that you’ve come to believe that’s just who you are. You’ve forgotten that beneath that steel armour, there’s another part of yourself. A part that doesn’t easily come out anymore, because it’s naked and defenseless. 

Let us introduce you…

When under pressure, your ego suddenly wakes up and springs into action. In those moments, you unconsciously throw up something between you and your heart as a protective move: a wall, a quick joke, a rescue mission, some drama, a lecture, a fist, or a claim.

How exactly you pull that off, we call your ‘egotype’. That’s how you learned it in the past, and that’s often still how you do it today.  Your egotype shapes your inner world – how you think, feel, and experience things – and your outer world – your behaviour.

The ego’s a tough one. Even though it’s only a part of you, it sometimes acts like it’s running the whole show. And the thing is, you don’t even realise it.

In this article, we’re introducing you to five different frontline soldiers, or ‘egotypes’, as we like to call them here at UGURU.

So, first up, let’s meet the Observer – the creative brain of the crew. Observers like to keep their distance when there’s drama and complicated emotions in the group. They see the world from their own safe perspective.

Next in line is the Connector – the social butterfly of the egotypes. They always know exactly how everyone is feeling and what they need. Everyone wants a Connector around. But what’s really going on in their own world?

Now, let’s talk about the Powerhouse – the egotype that stands out right away in any group. The fearless leader with a goal-oriented, no-nonsense approach. One way or another, the Powerhouse gets things done.

Moving on to the Carrier, the reliable workhorse of the crew. Loyal and responsible, like Atlas, they carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. Carriers are the ones you can always count on.

And – last but not least – the Achiever – the perfectionist with an iron will. The starplayer of the crew, with an enormous drive for success. Achievers are admirable but sometimes a bit intimidating.

Can you picture them already? Spot any familiar traits in yourself or your homies? Below, we give a description of each of the five types. First, what they excel at, then what they find challenging, and finally, what each egotype has to learn.

The Observer

What you excel in
You’re a creative and original person with a lot of ideas and ideals. Observing the world from a distance, you possess a broad perspective that allows you to see possibilities others might miss. Your out-of-the-box thinking makes you an interesting person for others to talk to, they always learn something. You thrive in conversations about less personal topics, such as work content, future plans, global issues, and creative ideas. People enjoy talking to you and admire your originality, vision, and creativity.

You prefer not to make hasty decisions. After all, there are so many perspectives to consider. People attempting to force things can be counterproductive. You’re always filled with dreams and ideas, but you may struggle with getting them off the ground. Sometimes you underestimate risks or overestimate opportunities.

What you find challenging
Stepping out of your world of thoughts and connecting with others isn’t always easy. Sometimes, you may doubt if you truly belong or feel entirely comfortable in groups. Discussing these feelings or expressing your true emotions can be very uncomfortable for you.

You justify yourself with thoughts like: Independence is my biggest strength or I don’t need to fit in or It’s better to avoid drama and emotions. Occasionally, you may even bring yourself down with thoughts like Nobody truly understands me, so why bother explaining myself?

What you have to learn
Staying in your familiar thought world is tempting. But if you want to learn how to connect more, you first have to acknowledge that your thought world, while comfortable and interesting, also is an escape from reality. You need to learn to show yourself. Only then can you discover that you are genuinely welcome just as you are, without needing to impress others with your brilliant ideas or creative perspectives. You can learn to find a better balance between observing and participating. To truly participate, you need to learn to ‘welcome yourself’, including all your quirks, frustrations, and uncertainties.

The Connector

What you excel in
You easily connect with everyone you meet. In your world, everyone belongs. With a finely-tuned social radar, you’re super sensitive to atmosphere and mood. You have a special gift for tuning into people, resonating with their emotions. If something’s going on in a group, you’re the one who can pinpoint it precisely. It’s easy – and irresistible – for you to step into others’ shoes.

Getting along with everyone is your superpower. Put you in a room full of people, and you’ll have spoken to everyone in no time. You’re easygoing and flexible: what’s good for the group is good for you. You’re caring, have attention for others, and you’re flexible. You prioritise others’ feelings over your own.

What you find challenging
At times, people wonder what you actually think and want. You’re so afraid of hurting people and being left alone that you don’t even ask yourself what you truly want. Actually you’re not sure. When people ask, your response is often ‘it doesn’t matter’ or ‘you decide’. Navigating your own course is something you haven’t really learned. It’s tough for you to show yourself and be outspoken when you’re not sure of your own thoughts and desires. Let alone confront others about it.

You might have thoughts like: How will this go down in the group? Or: What would so-and-so think? Occasionally, you sabotage yourself with thoughts like: I just don’t want to end up alone. Or: My opinion doesn’t matter.

What you have to learn
Your growth lies in learning to choose for yourself. The thing is that you deeply believe that choosing for yourself might hurt others and might lead to rejection. And that’s the last thing you want because, imagine, they might leave you! So, first things first, you need to face the painful truth that, essentially, you are indeed on your own. You need to find your own path, develop your interests, and spread your wings. What you need to learn is to find a better balance between together and alone. Learn to be true to yourself, even if it means not meeting everyone’s expectations.

The Powerhouse

What you excel in
When you enter the room, the lights come on. You stand out, capture attention, and have natural authority and leadership. You’re the person others lean on in times of storm. Steadfast, decisive, and task-oriented. While the Connector focuses on relationships, you’re all about the task. Your strength lies in making decisions and getting things off the ground. You command respect from others and have the courage to take responsibility. Your deepest drive is to be strong, not so much for yourself – although it may seem that way – but for a higher purpose, such as your team’s success or your family’s happiness. You like a big challenge. No matter what, you make sure it happens. By taking up a lot of space, you keep others at a distance.

What you find challenging
Considering others’ feelings doesn’t come naturally; you’re laser-focused on the task. What you haven’t learned is to show your vulnerability. Your primary need is the help and support of others, yet inherent to this egotype is that you don’t experience it this way. After all, you’re strong, and therefore, you don’t need help.

You justify yourself with thoughts like: I can only trust myself. Ultimately, I can do it better than anyone else. Even though this might make you feel a bit lonely, you maintain the pattern with thoughts like: I don’t have real weaknesses or vulnerabilities, so why bother looking for them?

What you have to learn
You can only truly learn when your heart opens, primarily to yourself. Maybe it helps to acknowledge that it’s quite lonely at the top. Recognise that you have few truly equal relationships. You need to learn to trust the world again. Let other people stand beside you, and resist the tendency to elevate yourself above them. You can learn to find a better balance between strength and vulnerability.

The Carrier

What you excel in
You’re always there for others and never leave anyone hanging. You stand by someone going through a tough time, and take over their burden. Or you take on a significant task that no one else wants. Big responsibilities are safe with you, and somehow you’re attracted  to them. You’re an excellent sparring partner when it comes to big human themes, always asking the right questions without taking over. People love talking to you about everything happening in their lives. You don’t take much space for your personal thoughts and feelings. You’re deeply loyal, super reliable, and you never say ‘no’.

What you find challenging
Because you carry so much, there’s little room for lightness and joy. Aimless enjoyment only brings a feeling of guilt. You have limited space for yourself as a person. You don’t consider yourself all that important. Your own wants, thoughts, and feelings are buried deep within, resulting in a lot of suppressed emotions, as if the handbrake is always on. And since you never say no, you eventually become overloaded.

You justify yourself with thoughts like: Just swallow it and keep going. Or: Someone has to do it, right? Often, you have resentful thoughts like: Once again, I’m the one doing it again. Or: Just leave me to it.

What you have to learn
Your primary need is the freedom to be who you want to be, to choose what you like and don’t like. To just set the world aside and find some peace. However, the pressure to keep carrying is big. Ask yourself what truly makes you happy and what bothers you. What is simply too much for you? What do you really say yes to, and to what do you say no? Give yourself permission to enjoy, not only after all the work is done. You can learn to find a better balance between carrying and enjoying.

The Achiever

What you excel in
You have a vibrant, contagious energy. You achieve a lot in life, and others often look up to you. You love perfection. It gives you a sense of peace and security when everything is under control. People trust you because you’re the one with the overview. You are realistic and anticipating, you don’t get distracted easily. Your high degree of social flexibility and awareness of the impact of your words ensure that conversations go exactly as you want. At the same time, you stay away from vulnerability and keep your cards close to your chest. Individuals with this egotype often make excellent leaders. You set the bar high for yourself, both personally and professionally, perhaps even higher than for others.

What you find challenging
Your primary—but unconscious—need is to give and receive love, kindness, and warmth. However, this isn’t something you naturally bring out in others. Your distant, sometimes even a bit inaccessible attitude doesn’t immediately call up warmth. To break this pattern, you need to learn to deal with imperfections in yourself, others, and life in general. This can be challenging for you because inside, you have a relentless critic, constantly reminding you that you and the rest of the world don’t meet the standard.

You justify yourself with thoughts like: Told you so. I’m always right. Or: You can’t take emotional people seriously. But you can also hinder yourself with thoughts like: What will they think of me if it goes wrong?

What you have to learn
A new belief needs to grow—that you have much less control, and therefore, less direction over life than you think. And that’s perfectly okay because imperfections, doubts, and mistakes are part of life. This belief will make you gentler with yourself and more humane toward those around you. In exchange for your iron grip, you’ll gain more intimacy, depth in relationships, and relaxation. You can learn to find a better balance between control and letting go.